Ma hrănesc cu cioburi sparte – I feed myself on broken shards


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monicaWritten

by Monica

JUMP TO ENGLISH VERSION

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Source: Google Image

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Source: Google Image

     Unii oameni nu-ți vor vedea lacrimile, iar alții ți le vor forma. Tu… ești ca un copac, plin de frunze, iar când “frigul” intră în viața ta, ceilalți “cad” ca frunzele, îi pierzi. Pe unii la o adiere blândă, pe alții în timpul unei furtuni covârșitoare… Cert este că rămâi singur, doar un trunchi. Un simplu corp gol, rămas fără frunze, un corp care așteaptă și un suflet care plânge și simte durerea fiecărei pierderi. 

     Ajungi într-un punct în care îți dorești să fii tăiat, să dispari, pentru că lupta ta cu tine e prea grea pentru a o duce singur. În jurul tău e un câmp de luptă, iar tu ești împotriva ta, te rănești cu vise pierdute și dorințe ireale.

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Source: Google Image

     De ce s-ar întoarce toți cei pe care îi iubești? De ce au plecat? Când au facut-o? Au vrut să o facă sau i-ai împins tu? Cine e de vină? Nu vei știi niciodată ce s-a întamplat, cine și de ce a fost slab și s-a lăsat smuls de furtună.

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Source: Google Image

Eu acum stau… privesc un copac și mă gândesc la cei care au plecat. Uneori nu pot accepta asta, alteori mă bucur.

     Dar cel mai des mă hrănesc cu cioburi sparte. Apoi mă plimb printre corpuri reci, căutând căldura pe care am pierdut-o cu ani în urmă. Mă simt solitară, vulnerabilă, când amintirile îmi răvășesc mintea și-mi înjunghie sufletul cu lama pierderii.

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Source: Google Image

     Poate uneori lacrimile îmi sunt suficiente și mă ascund în spatele nervilor și furiei, dar atunci, nu mai știu ce simt, doar aștept, aștept primăvara și noi frunze, care probabil, la “iarnă” vor cădea…

Într-o lume atât de rece, mie îmi e frig. Aștept soarele, dar și el pare că s-a pierdut prin norii trecutului, pășind tiptil prin labirintul timpului.

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Click on photo to see my Drawing Exhibition

ENGLISH VERSION

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Source: Google Image

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Source: Google Image

     Some people will not see your tears, while others will create your tears. You… are like a tree full of leaves, and when the “cold” enters your life, the others “fall” as the leaves, you lose them. Some, to a gentle breeze, others during an overwhelming storm… What is certain is that you remain alone, only a trunk. A simple empty body, devoid of leaves, a body that waits and a soul that cries and feels the pain of each loss.

     You reach a point where you want to be cut out, to disappear, because your fight with you is too heavy to do it alone. Around you is a battlefield, and you’re against you, you hurt yourself with lost dreams and unreal desires.

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Source: Google Image

Why would turn all those you love? Why did they leave? When did they do it? They wanted to do it or did you pushed them? Who’s to blame? You’ll never know what happened, why and who it was weak and allowed to the storm to rip him.

Now… I look at a tree and I am thinking of those who left. Sometimes I can not accept that, but other times I’m glad.

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Source: Google Image

     But most often I feed myself on broken shards. Then I walk among icy bodies, seeking the warmth that I lost it years ago. I feel solitary, vulnerable, when memories destroy my mind and stab my soul with the blade of loss.

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Source: Google Image

Perhaps my tears are enough and I hide me behind the nerves and anger, but then I don’t know what I feel, I just wait, I wait for spring and new leaves that perhaps in the “winter” will fall…

In a world so cold, it’s cold to me. I wait for the sun, but he apparently is lost in the clouds of the past, walking slowly through the labyrinth of time.

mopana-my-exhibition

Click on photo to see my Drawing Exhibition

 

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49 thoughts on “Ma hrănesc cu cioburi sparte – I feed myself on broken shards

  1. Oh my! This is so very well written and yet so heartrending … so sad! Throughout my reading I kept waiting for the Spring of new life to break forth with love, joy and peace. Still, this is a wonderful article, very smoothly and seamlessly written. As always, all the best to you … the very best!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The sun will always come out again dear Monica. Even if it’s hidden for awhile it will show its face again. 😌 Such a beautifully written piece, full of emotion. Take care and sending you hugs xo

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Pingback: Ma hrănesc cu cioburi sparte – I feed myself on broken shards — look around! | Le Bien-Etre au bout des Doigts

  4. I know how you feel, the winter has a way of making it worse for we are creatures of the sun, we crave the warmth. But I have learned that even in the darkest night, there is always a light for it wouldn’t be dark if there wasn’t light. Everything needs its opposite and then we heal… JC

    Liked by 1 person

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  6. There are times when it seems as if the sun will never return. But it does, and it sometimes is accompanied by a rainbow. I wish that you find the biggest rainbows in your journey, Monica. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I know, Rob, life has ups and downs. Clouds and rainbows. We need to try to do not let us overwhelmed. Right?
      By the way, have you saw my Haiku ebook? Do you like how it looks? Can I ask you to write a review for me on my sales page? Thank you for your support 😀
      Have a great weekend, my friend ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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